Weekly Recap
Chad bills Larry for 123.03. Mike loses with the employee of the week. Sean calls in sick.
Chad Van Horn beat Larry Noel 123.03 to 86.15, taking the week's high score and largest winning margin at 36.88. Bo Nix supplied 25.53 and Tee Higgins added 23.80. Chad even left Dak Prescott's 24.78 on the bench, the best reserve score in the league. Larry celebrated his first win last week and immediately returned to his primary occupation: losing. Chad moves to 5 wins and 2 losses. Larry is 1 and 6. The probationary period is over, and HR has questions.
Alex Buell survived Mike Aguanno 121.83 to 118.65 in the week's closest game, a 3.18 point escape. Joe Burrow delivered 30.63, Jaxon Smith-Njigba added 26.80 and Jameson Williams supplied 23.60. Mike got 35.00 from Tony Pollard, the best starter performance in the league, plus 23.10 from Trey McBride. He still lost. Second best employee in the office? No, Mike employed the actual best and still missed the fucking deadline. Alex climbs to 3 and 4. Mike falls to 5 and 2 with the week's highest scoring loss.
Chris Scurry beat Stephen Spencer 99.87 to 86.62. After losing by 0.29 last week, Scurry apparently decided to stop leaving the result in the hands of a rounding error. This time he had 13.25 points of breathing room. Chris moves to 4 and 3, while Stephen drops to 5 and 2. Nobody reached 100, but only one of them has to explain that during the Monday meeting.
Jack Decker beat Pavel Kogan 99.04 to 88.97 behind Drake Maye's 26.94. Pavel got 23.70 from Zay Flowers and still finished 10.07 short. Both managers are now 2 and 5, which means Jack won the argument without actually leaving the basement floor. Uncle Rico finally closed a deal. The quarterly numbers remain a crime scene.
Evan Seacat handled Tom Burkett 92.12 to 82.07, winning by 10.05 and moving to 5 and 2. Tom drops to 1 and 6 alongside Larry. Omar Cooper Jr. scored 20.00 on Tom's bench, the week's best reserve wide receiver total. That is a painful number to look at. It is not proof of a legal lineup that would have won. The actual lineup submitted 82.07, and accounting does not accept imaginary revenue.
Rob Lazerson beat Sean Laird 104.12 to 72.61. A 31.51 point loss and the lowest score of the week is a hell of a performance review for the commissioner. Sean runs league operations, but apparently nobody was supervising his own department. Rob reaches 5 and 2. Sean slips to 4 and 3. The league now has five managers at 5 and 2: Chad, Rob, Mike, Evan and Stephen. That is a record tie, not a declaration of playoff seeds.
The Business Horse awards put Chad in the chairman's seat, Sean in the Red Ink Department, Alex on the right side of the Photo Finish and Mike in the Wrong Boardroom. Tony Pollard is Employee of the Week with 35.00. Dak Prescott is Bench Chairman with 24.78. Starter position honors go to Joe Burrow, Tony Pollard, Jaxon Smith-Njigba and Trey McBride. Bench position honors go to Dak Prescott, Rhamondre Stevenson, Omar Cooper Jr. and Kyle Pitts Sr. These awards come from confirmed Sleeper scores, not Sleeper's private weekly chat report.