Weekly Recap
Mike loses his perfect record. Larry remains perfectly fucking terrible.
Chad Van Horn ended Mike Aguanno's unbeaten run, 109.54 to 107.33, in the Chase Brown Bowl. The 2.21 point margin was the closest finish of Week 5. Mike got 28.00 from Isaiah Likely and 24.03 from Jacoby Brissett and still watched his perfect record get shredded in the conference room. Chad, Mike and Stephen now sit at 4 wins and 1 loss. Nobody gets to call themselves untouchable anymore.
Stephen Spencer put up the week's highest score, beating Pavel Kogan 138.74 to 99.14. Jahmyr Gibbs delivered 35.20, the best running back score among the league's starters. Stephen also left the week's top bench running back, Blake Corum and his 14.70, unused. That's a luxury problem. Pavel's problem was the guy across the table having an actual fucking offense.
Rob Lazerson beat Larry Noel 124.15 to 79.17 in the Recruiter Bowl, the week's biggest blowout at 44.98 points. Jaylen Warren and Josh Allen combined for 63.55. Larry's entire starting lineup managed just 15.62 more than those two guys. Wrench is now 0 and 5. At this point the punishment list isn't a league feature, it's his benefits package. Stop calling it a rebuild. This is five consecutive quarterly losses with a horse logo.
Sean Laird beat Jack Decker 126.84 to 102.01 in the Jackn' Horse Bowl. Christian Watson, Puka Nacua and Parker Washington combined for 85.90. Jack got 41.21 from Drake Maye, the highest individual starter score of the week, and still lost by 24.83. Maye did the entire group project while the rest of Uncle Rico's payroll wandered off for a three martini lunch.
Evan Seacat beat Chris Scurry 109.11 to 68.45 in the Fringe Doug Bowl. Bucky Irving scored 30.50 and James Cook added 21.30. Scurry followed Week 4's Best Manager award with the lowest team score in Week 5. Matthew Stafford supplied 28.57, leaving the other seven starters to scrape together 39.88. That promotion lasted about as long as a motivational speech before a compliance raid. Evan even left Jayden Daniels and his 31.01 on the bench and still won by 40.66.
Alex Buell beat Tom Burkett 105.40 to 94.25 in the Bestie Bowl. Joe Burrow delivered 26.60 and Jaxon Smith Njigba added 20.30. Tom got a combined 47.10 from Malik Nabers and George Pickens, but the rest of the department couldn't close the deal. Alex moves to 2 wins and 3 losses. Tom joins Jack at 1 win and 4 losses, which is currently the only thing keeping Larry from feeling completely abandoned.
The scoring awards go to Stephen for high score, Scurry for low score, Rob for biggest win, and Chad for the closest escape. Mike owns the highest scoring loss at 107.33. Position honors belong to Drake Maye, Jahmyr Gibbs, Christian Watson and Isaiah Likely. The bench leaders are Jayden Daniels, Blake Corum, Terry McLaurin and Kyle Pitts. These are Business Horse awards calculated from the archived Sleeper scores, separate from Sleeper's posted weekly report.